Don't Make It Weird (Part Two): Romantic Interactions

Role playing games are often used as a way to explore fun stories about human experiences. Part of the enjoyment of the activity comes from playing out the highs and lows of fate and emotion to tell a compelling story. And obviously love and romance is a universal aspect of our lives that we have all been affected by in some way or another. It's only natural that it will become a part of our tales of the tabletop as much as it is in books, television, and film.

However, its application in the world of the tabletop opens up an infamous can of worms that can cause any number of problems. It's already risky enough when the idea of love and sexuality is brought up as a public affair among a group of individuals who each have their own views and feelings on the subject... especially when it is being brought up in a hobby that is mostly action and escapism. 

If you are going to broach this complicated topic at all, it had better be with a group of friends who are well acquainted and comfortable with one another. And even then, it should be treated with caution. You might not know your friends as well as you think you do, and this is one of the easiest ways to stumble through personal boundaries that you shouldn't cross. Always show respect for your fellow players. Don't direct these narrative elements at them if they are unwelcome, regardless of your own opinions about it.

Additionally, there should never be any romantic entanglement that might affect or be affected by a real-world relationship. This means you don't want anyone to use the facade of the game to flirt with or harass another player. Any violation of this rule should be addressed swiftly out of game, and discussed individually with the parties involved. 

Professional actors may be able to play out romantic entanglements with one another without actual emotions involved, but most players are not Hollywood performers. Real world relationships or drama have no place in what is supposed to be a playful diversion in a world of fantasy. The couple who acts out their intimacy at game night is destined to quickly become an unpopular part of game night. Same with the person making creepy passes at another player "in character." Cut this behavior out before it wrecks your group. (As always, it is best to screen your group beforehand for problem players who might violate these principles.)

If there is an element of sexuality in your game, subtlety is preferable to build a sense of comfort and camaraderie around the game table. I always found it odd the number of stories I have heard about players wanting to thoroughly role play a liaison with a dryad or such when said fairy folk is being acted out by their own buddy, Steve. If there is a number one reason that such rendezvous always turn out to be a deadly trap, it must be this one. It's problematic and unnecessary.

The main thing to keep in mind when this comes up is to know your group's feelings and boundaries on such subjects, and pay attention to when they might change. If a player expresses discomfort, or seems to be bothered by something, be ready to pivot as necessary.  If your group is completely comfortable with the way things are being handled, all is well. But once again, you can't always be one hundred percent sure that they will be, and it is tricky to make amends once somebody has gotten disturbed. Handle with extreme caution and responsibility. When it comes to players, if you are unsure about if they will be uncomfortable about something, it is usually best to ask in advance. If the idea of asking makes you feel uncomfortable yourself, it's probably a sign to just nix the idea altogether.

And absolutely none of this business.

That being said, the best and most easily executed romantic subplots in RPGs are those between NPCs. Getting the players involved in a retelling of Romeo and Juliet, or threatened by a villain's vengeance-seeking lover is a good way to include these story elements without an issue. 

The next best type of in-game romance is between PC and NPC. A main character with a significant other is one with a ready made plot hook and potential emotional investment in the campaign. Their character will have a lot of opportunities to express themselves through their interactions with such an NPC, and the game master has the ability to introduce new plot twists through this relationship. Such a relationship should always be primarily directed by the PC, not foisted upon them by the game master. This is another way you can show respect to your players and let them tell the kind of story they want for their character. 

Finally, player character to player character romances are the most complicated and difficult to justify. While they can add a level of intrigue to PC bonds and interactions, there are better connections to be drawn between characters. And it is also difficult to keep such an association interesting over the course of long term RP. Some really drama-oriented players can handle this, but it's no small feat.

There are a number of story-based systems that integrate romance and all kinds of interpersonal melodrama into the gameplay, so if that's the kind of thing your group wants to do, more power to ya!

In summary: respect your players, their feelings, and their personal boundaries related to this subject. Handle everything in a way that can be agreed upon and keep your players comfortable. Above all, keep your games light, fun, and enjoyable for the group.

Happy ventures!

(Part one of this series, on race and prejudice, can be found here.)